Marriage Is a Contract for Life. --In the youthful mind marriage is clothed
with romance, and it is difficult to divest it of this feature, with which
imagination covers it, and to impress the mind with a sense of the weighty
responsibilities involved in the marriage vow. This vow links the destinies of
the two individuals with bonds which naught but the hand of death should sever.
Every marriage engagement should be carefully considered, for marriage is a
step taken for life. Both the man and the woman should carefully consider
whether they can cleave to each other through the vicissitudes of life as long
as they both shall live.
Jesus Corrected Misconceptions of Marriage. -- Among the Jews a man was
permitted to put away his wife for the most trivial offenses, and the woman was
then at liberty to marry again. This practice led to great wretchedness and sin.
In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus declared plainly that there could be no
dissolution of the marriage tie except for unfaithfulness to the marriage vow.
"Every one," He said, "that putteth away his wife, saving for the
cause of fornication, maketh her an adulteress: and whosoever shall marry her
when she is put away committeth adultery."
When the Pharisees afterward questioned Him concerning the lawfulness of
divorce, Jesus pointed His hearers back to the marriage institution as ordained
at creation. "Because of the hardness of your hearts," He said, Moses
"suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not
so." He referred them to the blessed days of Eden when God pronounced all things "very good."
Then marriage and the Sabbath had their origin, twin institutions for the glory
of God in the benefit of humanity. Then, as the Creator joined the hands of the
holy pair in wedlock, saying, A man shall "leave his father and his mother,
and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one," He enunciated the
law of marriage for all the children of Adam to the close of time. That which
the eternal Father Himself had pronounced good was the law of highest blessing
and development for man.
Jesus came to our world to rectify mistakes and to restore the moral image of
God in man. Wrong sentiments in regard to marriage had found a place in the
minds of the teachers of Israel. They were making of none effect the sacred
institution of marriage. Man was becoming so hardhearted that he would for the
most trivial excuse separate from his wife, or, if he chose, he would separate
her from the children and send her away. This was considered a great disgrace
and was often accompanied by the most acute suffering on the part of the
discarded one.
Christ came to correct these evils, and His first miracle was wrought on the
occasion of the marriage. Thus He announced to the world that marriage when kept
pure and undefiled is a sacred institution.
Counsel to One Contemplating Divorce. --Your ideas in regard to the marriage
relation have been erroneous. Nothing but the violation of the marriage bed can
either break or annul the marriage vow. We are living in perilous times, when
there is no assurance in anything save in firm, unwavering faith in Jesus
Christ. There is no heart that may not be estranged from God through the devices
of Satan, if one does not watch unto prayer.
Your health would have been in a far better condition had your mind been at
peace and rest; but it became confused and unbalanced, and you reasoned
incorrectly in regard to the matter of divorce. Your views cannot be sustained
on the ground from which you reason. Men are not at liberty to make a standard
of law for themselves, to avoid God's law and please their own inclination. They
must come to God's great moral standard of righteousness. . . .
God gave only one cause why a wife should leave her husband, or the husband
leave his wife, which was adultery. Let this ground be prayerfully considered.
Advice to a Separated Couple. --My brother, my sister, for some time you have
not been living together. You should not have pursued this course and would not
have done so if both of you had been cultivating the patience, kindness, and
forbearance that should ever exist between husband and wife. Neither of you
should set up your own will and try to carry out your individual ideas and plans
whatever the consequences may be. Neither of you should be determined to do as
you please. Let the softening, subduing influence of the Spirit of God work upon
your hearts and fit you for the work of training your children. . . . Appeal to
your heavenly Father to keep you from yielding to the temptation to speak in an
impatient, harsh, willful manner to each other, the husband to the wife, and the
wife to the husband. Both of you have imperfect characters. Because you have not
been under God's control, your conduct toward each other has been unwise.
I beseech you to bring yourselves under God's control. When tempted to speak
provokingly, refrain from saying anything. You will be tempted on this point
because you have never overcome this objectionable trait of character. But every wrong
habit must be overcome. Make a complete surrender to God. Fall on the Rock,
Christ Jesus, and be broken. As husband and wife, discipline yourselves. Go to
Christ for help. He will willingly supply you with His divine sympathy, His free
grace. . . .
Repent before God for your past course. Come to an understanding, and reunite
as husband and wife. Put away the disagreeable, unhappy experience of your past
life. Take courage in the Lord. Close the windows of the soul earthward, and
open them heavenward. If your voices are uplifted in prayer to heaven for light,
the Lord Jesus, who is light and life, peace and joy, will hear your cry. He,
the Sun of Righteousness, will shine into the chambers of your mind, lighting up
the soul temple. If you welcome the sunshine of His presence into your home, you
will not utter words of a nature to cause feelings of unhappiness.
To a Hopelessly Mistreated Wife. --I have received your letter, and in reply
to it I would say, I cannot advise you to return to D unless you see decided
changes in him. The Lord is not pleased with the ideas he has had in the past of
what is due to a wife. . . . If [he] holds to his former views, the future would
be not better for you than the past has been. He does not know how to treat a
wife.
I feel very sad about this matter. I feel indeed sorry for D, but I cannot
advise you to go to him against your judgement. I speak to you as candidly as I
spoke to him; it would be perilous for you to again place yourself under his
dictation. I had hoped that he would change. . . .
The Lord understands all about your experiences. . . . Be of good courage in
the Lord; He will not leave you nor forsake you. My heart goes out in tenderest sympathy for you.
To a Deserted Husband--"Shoulder Your Cross." -- I cannot see what
more can be done in this case, and I think that the only thing that you can do
is to give up your wife. If she is thus determined not to live with you, both
she and you would be most miserable to attempt it. And as she has fully and
determinedly set her stakes, you can only shoulder your cross and show yourself
a man.
Still Married in God's Sight, Although Divorced. -- A woman may be legally
divorced from her husband by the laws of the land and yet not divorced in the
sight of God and according to the higher law. There is only one sin, which is
adultery, which can place the husband or wife in a position where they can be
free from the marriage vow in the sight of God. Although the laws of the land
may grant a divorce, yet they are husband and wife still in the Bible light,
according to the laws of God.
I saw that Sister _____, as yet, has no right to marry another man; but if
she, or any other woman, should obtain a divorce legally on the ground that her
husband was guilty of adultery, then she is free to be married to whom she
chooses.
Separation From an Unbelieving Companion. --If the wife is an unbeliever and
an opposer, the husband cannot, in view of the law of God, put her away on this
ground alone. In order to be in harmony with the law of Jehovah, he must abide
with her unless she chooses of herself to depart. He may suffer opposition and
be oppressed and annoyed in many ways; he will find his comfort and his strength
and support from God, who is able 345 to give grace for every emergency. He
should be a man of pure mind, of truly decided, firm principles, and God will
give him wisdom in regard to the course which he should pursue. Impulse will not
control his reason, but reason will hold the lines of control in her firm hand,
that lust shall be held under bit and bridle.
A Wife Urged to Change Disposition, Not the Marriage Status. --I have
received a letter from your husband. I would say that there is only one thing
for which a husband may lawfully separate from his wife or a wife from her
husband, and that is adultery.
If your dispositions are not congenial, would it not be for the glory of God
for you to change these dispositions?
A husband and wife should cultivate respect and affection for each other.
They should guard the spirit, the words, and the actions so that nothing will be
said or done to irritate or annoy. Each is to have a care for the other, doing
all in their power to strengthen their mutual affection.
I tell you both to seek the Lord. In love and kindness do your duty one to
the other. The husband should cultivate industrious habits, doing his best to
support his family. This will lead his wife to have respect for him. . . .
My sister, you cannot please God by maintaining your present attitude.
Forgive your husband. He is your husband, and you will be blessed in striving to
be a dutiful, affectionate wife. Let the law of kindness be on your lips. You
can and must change your attitude.
You must both study how you can assimilate, instead of differing, with one
another. . . . The use of mild, gentle methods will make a surprising difference
in your lives.
Adultery, Divorce, and Church Membership. --In regard to the case of the
injured sister, A.G., we would say in reply to the questions of ----- that it is
a feature in the cases of most who have been overtaken in sin, as her husband
has, that they have no real sense of their villainy. Some, however, do and are
restored to the church, but not till they have merited the confidence of the
people of God by unqualified confessions and a period of sincere repentance.
This case presents difficulties not found in some, and we would add only the
following:
1. In cases of the violation of the seventh commandment where the guilty
party does not manifest true repentance, if the injured party can obtain a
divorce without making their own cases and that of their children, if they have
them, worse by so doing, they should be free.
2. If they would be liable to place themselves and their children in worse
condition by a divorce, we know of no scripture that would make the innocent
party guilty by remaining.
3. Time and labour and prayer and patience and faith and a godly life might
work a reform. To live with one who has broken the marriage vows and is covered
all over with the disgrace and shame of guilty love, and realizes it not, is an
eating canker to the soul; and yet a divorce is a lifelong, heartfelt sore. God
pity the innocent party! Marriage should be considered well before contracted.
4. Why! oh, why! will men and women who might be respectable and good and
reach heaven at last sell themselves to the devil so cheap, wound their bosom
friends, disgrace their families, bring a reproach upon the cause, and go to hell at last? God have mercy! Why will not those who are
overtaken in crime manifest repentance proportionate to the enormity of their
crime and fly to Christ for mercy and heal, as far as possible, the wounds they
have made?
5. But, if they will not do as they should, and if the innocent have
forfeited the legal right to a divorce, by living with the guilty after his
guilt is known, we do not see that sin rests upon the innocent in remaining, and
her moral right in departing seems questionable, if her health and life be not
greatly endangered in so remaining.
[* NOTE: THIS IS ONE OF THE VERY FEW STATEMENTS TO BE ISSUED JOINTLY BY JAMES
AND ELLEN WHITE. INASMUCH AS IT WAS SIGNED BY BOTH, IT IS EVIDENT THAT THE VIEWS
EXPRESSED HAD FULL SANCTION OF MRS. WHITE. IT SHOULD BE NOTED THAT THE
RESTORATION OF CHURCH MEMBERSHIP REFERRED TO IN THE INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH OF
THE SECTION IS NOT AGAINST A BACKGROUND OF DIVORCE, BUT OF ADULTERY. THE
PARAGRAPH MAKES NO REFERENCE WHATSOEVER TO DIVORCE. THE REFERENCES TO DIVORCE
AND CHURCH MEMBERSHIP IN THE SUCCEEDING PARAGRAPHS RELATE, NOT TO THE OFFENDING
HUSBAND, BUT TO THE OFFENDED WIFE AND HER CHURCH MEMBERSHIP SHOULD SHE DECIDE TO
DIVORCE OR SHOULD SHE DECIDE TO REMAIN WITH HER HUSBAND.-- COMPILERS. ]