The Training of Children

by Ellen White

This is a most delicate subject. Many unbelieving parents manage their children with greater wisdom than many of those who claim to be children of God. They take much pains with their children, to make them kind, courteous, unselfish and to teach them to obey, and in this the unbelieving show greater wisdom than those parents who have the great light of truth but whose works do not in any wise correspond with their faith. 3SM 315

The next thing shown me was the sins of parents in neglecting their children. I saw they would have an awful account to give. They have fostered and cherished the evil tempers of their children until God's frown was upon them and their children. They have forgotten that which was written in the Holy Word, "he that spareth the rod hateth his son," and the children are left to come up instead of being brought up or trained up. The poor little children are thought not to know or understand the meaning of a correction at the age of eight, nine or ten months, and they begin to show stubbornness very young, and it is cherished and nourished by its parents till their evil passions grow with their growth and strengthen with their strength.--Ms 1, 1854, p. 4. ("Reproof for adultery and Neglect of Children," February 12, 1854.) 7MR 1

Administer the rules of the home in wisdom and love, not with a rod of iron. Children will respond with willing obedience to the rule of love. Commend your children whenever you can. Make their lives as happy as possible. . . . Keep the soil of the heart mellow by the manifestation of love and affection, thus preparing it for the seed of truth. Remember that the Lord gives the earth not only clouds and rain, but the beautiful, smiling sunshine, causing the seed to germinate and the blossom to appear. Remember that children need not only reproof and correction, but encouragement and commendation, the pleasant sunshine of kind words. AH 18

Did mothers but realise the importance of their mission, they would be much in secret prayer, presenting their children to Jesus, imploring His blessing upon them, and pleading for wisdom to discharge aright their sacred duties. Let the mother improve every opportunity to mould and fashion the disposition and habits of her children. Let her watch carefully the development of character, repressing traits that are too prominent, encouraging those that are deficient. Let her make her own life a pure and noble example to her precious charge. AH 265

If parents could be aroused to a sense of the fearful responsibility which rests upon them in the work of educating their children, more of their time would be devoted to prayer and less to needless display. They would reflect and study and pray earnestly to God for wisdom and divine aid to so train their children that they may develop characters that God will approve. Their anxiety would not be to know how they can educate their children so that they will be praised and honoured of the world, but how they can educate them to form beautiful characters that God can approve. FE 30

The elevation or deterioration of the future of society will be determined by the manners and morals of the youth growing up around us. As the youth are educated, and as their characters are moulded in their childhood to virtuous habits, self-control, and temperance, so will their influence be upon society. If they are left unenlightened and uncontrolled, and as the result become self-willed, intemperate in appetite and passion, so will be their future influence in moulding society. The company which the young now keep, the habits they now form, and the principles they now adopt are the index to the state of society for years to come. HR JUN.01,1877

Parents will have much to answer for in the day of accounts because of their wicked indulgence of their children. Many gratify every unreasonable wish, because it is easier to be rid of their importunity in this way than in any other. A child should be so trained that a refusal would be received in the right spirit, and accepted as final. Children are generally untaught in regard to the importance of when, how, and what they should eat. They are permitted to indulge their tastes freely, to eat at all hours, to help themselves to fruit when it tempts their eyes, and this, with the pie, cake, bread and butter, and sweetmeats eaten almost constantly, makes them gourmands and dyspeptics. The digestive organs, like a mill which is continually kept running, become enfeebled, vital force is called from the brain to aid the stomach in its overwork, and thus the mental powers are weakened. The unnatural stimulation and wear of the vital forces make them nervous, impatient of restraint, self-willed, and irritable. They can scarcely be trusted out of their parents' sight. In many cases the moral powers seem deadened, and it is difficult to arouse them to a sense of the shame and grievous nature of sin; they slip easily into habits of prevarication, deceit, and often open lying. HR MAY 01,1877

The home should be to the children the most attractive place in the world, and the mother's presence should be its greatest attraction. Children have sensitive, loving natures. They are easily pleased, and easily made unhappy. By gentle discipline, in loving words and acts, mothers may bind their children to their hearts. MH 388

Parents are asleep. They don't know that Satan has planted his hellish banner right in their households. What, I was led to inquire, will become of the youth in this corrupt age? I say parents are asleep. The children are infatuated with a love-sick sentimentalism, and the truth has no power to correct the wrong. What can be done to stay the tide of evil? Parents can do much if they will. If a young girl just entering her teens is accosted with familiarity by a boy of her own age, or older, she should be taught to so resent this, that no such advances will ever be repeated. When a girl's company is frequently sought for by boys or young men, something is wrong. That young girl needs a mother to show her her place, or to restrain her, and teach her what belongs to a girl of her age. PH011 67

While there are weighty responsibilities devolving upon the parents to guard carefully the future happiness and interests of their children, it is also their duty to make home as attractive as possible. This is of far greater consequence than to acquire estates and money. Home must not lack sunshine. The home feeling should be kept alive in the hearts of the children, that they may look back upon the home of their childhood as a place of peace and happiness next to heaven. Then as they come to maturity, they should in their turn try to be a comfort and blessing to their parents. RH FEB.02,1886

How much corruption we see in the world because parents neglect to do their duty, and sin lies at their door. Satan stands by exulting as you permit your children to pass into his hands. Do not indulge your children in evil ways, but from their very infancy let them see that you love the Lord, and that you mean to train them up as he would have you. Our blessed Saviour taught us to pray, "Our Father, which art in heaven. Hallowed be thy name." Do we realise what is the meaning of this prayer? Do we realise that we must hallow that name in our families, and that if we allow our children to manifest the attributes of Satan, that name is not hallowed in our households? If we want the holy angels to take charge of our little ones, we must bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, and teach them to hallow the name of God. We teach them to say, "Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." But do you teach them the meaning of this prayer? Do you teach them that the kingdom of God must be seen in your household, and that the will of God must be done by them and you? Do you break the force of this petition by shaking them, by striking them in anger, by speaking harsh words, and by manifesting passion? Do not do this, but be merciful, kind, and tender-hearted. Let the will of the Lord be done in your family, not the will of the enemy. If mild measures will not avail, you must use the rod, you must give your children to understand that God must be honoured in your house; but this work is sadly neglected. Do you wonder that God does not walk through the midst of us when we allow Satan to work his way in our households, and when we neglect the solemn obligations that God has placed upon us? Of what avail will be a list of church resolutions, if we have not the Spirit of God in our homes? Christ is watching to see who are training their families for the great family above. Suppose one of your little children whom you have failed to correct, should be taken away in one of its fits of temper, what would be the result? I leave you to answer the question. RH JUL.16,1895

Believers should be taught that even though they may be poor, they need not be unclean or untidy in their persons or in their homes. Help must be given in this line to those who seem to have no sense of the meaning and importance of cleanliness. They are to be taught that those who are to represent the high and holy God must keep their souls pure and clean, and that this purity must extend to their dress and to everything in the home, so that the ministering angels will have evidence that the truth has wrought a change in the life, purifying the soul and refining the tastes. Those who, after receiving the truth, make no change in word or deportment, in dress or surroundings, are living to themselves, not to Christ. They have not been created anew in Christ Jesus, unto purification and holiness. . . .

While we are to guard against needless adornment and display, we are in no case to be careless and indifferent in regard to outward appearance. All about our persons and our homes is to be neat and attractive. The youth are to be taught the importance of presenting an appearance above criticism, an appearance that honours God and the truth.

RH JUN.10,1902

Every Christian home should have rules; and parents should, in their words and deportment toward each other, give to the children a precious, living example of what they desire them to be. Purity in speech and true Christian courtesy should be constantly practised. Teach the children and youth to respect themselves, to be true to God, true to principle; teach them to respect and obey the law of God. These principles will control their lives and will be carried out in their associations with others. They will create a pure atmosphere--one that will have an influence that will encourage weak souls in the upward path that leads to holiness and heaven. Let every lesson be of an elevating and ennobling character, and the records made in the books of heaven will be such as you will not be ashamed to meet in the judgement.

Children who receive this kind of instruction will . . . be prepared to fill places of responsibility and, by precept and example, will be constantly aiding others to do right. Those whose moral sensibilities have not been blunted will appreciate right principles; they will put a just estimate upon their natural endowments and will make the best use of their physical, mental, and moral powers. Such souls are strongly fortified against temptation; they are surrounded by a wall not easily broken down. SPTB NO.16 4

Be kind in your speech to your children. No loud, tempestuous scolding will cure your children of any evil action. No taking your children in a passion and shaking them will convert them from the error of their ways to do God's will. They are God's property. As a people professing to be reformers the very best lesson that you can give your children in this age of corruption is not to indulge them to become fashionable after the worldly style. Sons and daughters are to be instructed as to what it means to be obedient to God's requirements, what will fit you and them for a position in the heavenly kingdom. UL 302

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