Familiarity

by Ellen White

Through our relation of friendship and familiarity with human beings like ourselves, we may exert an uplifting influence. Those who are united in a common hope and faith in Christ Jesus can be a blessing to one another. Jesus says, "Love one another as I have loved you." Love is not simply an impulse, a transitory emotion, dependent upon circumstances; it is a living principle, a permanent power. The soul is fed by the streams of pure love that flow from the heart of Christ, as a well-spring that never fails. O, how is the heart quickened, how are its motives ennobled, its affections deepened, by this communion! Under the education and discipline of the Holy Spirit, the children of God love one another, truly, sincerely, unaffectedly,-- "without partiality, and without hypocrisy." And this because the heart is in love with Jesus. Our affection for one another springs from our common relation to God. We are one family, we love one another as he loved us. When compared with this true, sanctified, disciplined affection, the shallow courtesy of the world, the meaningless expressions of effusive friendship, are as chaff to the wheat. 1888 1509

More recently your case has again been presented before me. I was shown that for a long time your thoughts and feelings, your spirit and deportment, have not been of a character to give you moral solidity, to make you a man of holy influence. After the death of your wife, the weakness of your character was evinced in your attentions to young girls. Your familiarity was an injury to them, making impressions on their minds unfavourable to their spiritual advancement. The difficulty is in your heart. It was not pure. You have not had Christ abiding in you by faith. You have not kept the way of the Lord. You have not abstained from the very appearance of evil. Your own ways, your own feelings, your appetites and passions, have held sway until you have placed yourself where you are now trammelled and are inclined to please yourself irrespective of the counsel of God. 1888 520

A woman who will allow an unchaste word or hint to be uttered in her presence is not as God would have her; one that will permit any undue familiarity or impure suggestion does not preserve her God-like womanhood. Some may think these warnings unnecessary; but God has shown me that they are necessary in every mission, in every college, in every institution that we have established. 18MR 299

You and your wife are opposite in your organisations. You love order and neatness, and have a nice taste, and quite good government. As a husband, you are rather stiff and stern. You fail to take a course to encourage confidence and familiarity in your wife. Her deficiencies have led you to regard her as inferior to yourself, and have also caused her to feel that you thus regard her. God esteems her more highly than yourself; for your ways are crooked before Him. For the sake of her husband and children, and for other reasons, she should seek to correct her deficiencies and to improve in those things wherein she now fails. She can do it if she will try hard enough. 2T 298

Dear Brother Y: In the last view given I was shown that you do not understand yourself. You have a work to do for yourself which no one can do for you. Your experience in the truth is short, and you have not been thoroughly converted. You place a higher estimate upon yourself than you will bear. I was pointed back to your past life. Your mind has not been elevated, but has dwelt upon subjects not calculated to lead to purity of action. You have had habits which were corrupt, and which have tainted your morals. You have been too familiar with the other sex, and have not possessed modesty of deportment. You would be well suited were there greater familiarity encouraged between men and women, much after Dr. A's theory. Your influence at ----- was not good. You were not a proper person for that place; your light and trifling conversation disqualified you to exert a good influence. The character of your music was not such as to encourage elevated thoughts or feelings, but rather to degenerate. 2T 321

If the sisters were elevated and possessed purity of heart, any corrupt advances, even from their minister, would be repulsed with such positiveness as would never need a repetition. Minds must be terribly befogged by Satan when they can listen to the voice of the seducer because he is a minister, and therefore break God's plain and positive commands and flatter themselves that they commit no sin. Have we not the words of John: "He that saith, I know Him, and keepeth not His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him"? What saith the law? "Thou shalt not commit adultery." When a man professing to keep God's holy law, and ministering in sacred things, takes advantage of the confidence his position gives him and seeks to indulge his base passions, this fact should of itself be sufficient to enable a woman professing godliness to see that, although his profession is as exalted as the heavens, an impure proposal coming from him is from Satan disguised as an angel of light. I cannot believe that the word of God is abiding in the hearts of those who so readily yield up their innocency and virtue upon the altar of lustful passions. 2T 457

The slightest insinuations, from whatever source they may come, inviting you to indulge in sin or to allow the least unwarrantable liberty with your persons, should be resented as the worst of insults to your dignified womanhood. The kiss upon your cheek, at an improper time and place, should lead you to repel the emissary of Satan with disgust. If it is from one in high places who is dealing in sacred things, the sin is of tenfold greater magnitude, and should lead a God-fearing woman or youth to recoil with horror, not only from the sin he would have you commit, but from the hypocrisy and villainy of one whom the people respect and honour as God's servant. He is handling sacred things, yet hiding his baseness of heart under a ministerial cloak. Be afraid of anything like this familiarity. Be sure that the least approach to it is evidence of a lascivious mind and a lustful eye. If the least encouragement is given in this direction, if any of the liberties mentioned are tolerated, no better evidence can be given that your mind is not pure and chaste as it should be, and that sin and crime have charms for you. You lower the standard of your dignified, virtuous womanhood, and give unmistakable evidence that a low, brutal, common passion and lust has been suffered to remain alive in your heart and has never been crucified. 2T 458

I feel impelled by the Spirit of the Lord to urge my sisters who profess godliness to cherish modesty of deportment and a becoming reserve, with shamefacedness and sobriety. The liberties taken in this age of corruption should be no criterion for Christ's followers. These fashionable exhibitions of familiarity should not exist among Christians fitting for immortality. If lasciviousness, pollution, adultery, crime, and murder are the order of the day among those who know not the truth, and who refuse to be controlled by the principles of God's word, how important that the class professing to be followers of Christ, closely allied to God and angels, should show them a better and nobler way. How important that by their chastity and virtue they stand in marked contrast to that class who are controlled by brute passions. 2T 459

I feel impelled by the Spirit of the Lord to urge my sisters who profess godliness to cherish modesty of deportment and a becoming reserve, with shamefacedness and sobriety. The liberties taken in this age of corruption should be no criterion for Christ's followers. These fashionable exhibitions of familiarity should not exist among Christians fitting for immortality. If lasciviousness, pollution, adultery, crime, and murder are the order of the day among those who know not the truth, and who refuse to be controlled by the principles of God's word, how important that the class professing to be followers of Christ, closely allied to God and angels, should show them a better and nobler way. How important that by their chastity and virtue they stand in marked contrast to that class who are controlled by brute passions. 2T 459

I have been shown families where the husband and father has not preserved that reserve, that dignified, godlike manhood, which is befitting a follower of Christ. He has failed to perform the kind, tender, courteous acts due to his wife, whom he has promised before God and angels to love, respect, and honour while they both shall live. The girl employed to do the work has been free and somewhat forward to dress his hair and to be affectionately attentive, and he is pleased, foolishly pleased. In his love and attention to his wife he is not as demonstrative as he once was. Be sure that Satan is at work here. Respect your hired help, treat them kindly, considerately, but go no further. Let your deportment be such that there will be no advances to familiarity from them. If you have words of kindness and acts of courtesy to give, it is always safe to give them to your wife. It will be a great blessing to her, and will bring happiness to her heart, to be reflected upon you again. 2T 461

Parents are asleep and know not that Satan has planted his hellish banner right in their households. What, I was led to inquire, will become of the youth in this corrupt age? I repeat, Parents are asleep. The children are infatuated with a lovesick sentimentalism, and the truth has no power to correct the wrong. What can be done to stay the tide of evil? Parents can do much if they will. If a young girl just entering her teens is accosted with familiarity by a boy of her own age, or older, she should be taught to so resent this that no such advances will ever be repeated. When a girl's company is frequently sought by boys or young men, something is wrong. That young girl needs a mother to show her her place, to restrain her, and teach her what belongs to a girl of her age. 2T 482

While in Europe the things that transpired in ----- were opened before me. A voice said, "Follow me, and I will show you the sins that are practised by those who stand in responsible positions." I went through the rooms, and I saw you, a watchman upon the walls of Zion, were very intimate with another man's wife, betraying sacred trusts, crucifying your Lord afresh. Did you consider that there was a Watcher, the Holy One, who was witnessing your evil work, seeing your actions and hearing your words, and these are also registered in the books of heaven?

She was sitting on your lap; you were kissing her, and she was kissing you. Other scenes of fondness, sensual looks and deportment, were presented before me, which sent a thrill of horror through my soul. Your arm encircled her waist, and the fondness expressed was having a bewitching influence. Then a curtain was lifted, and I was shown you in bed with ___. My Guide said, "Iniquity, adultery." -- Letter 16, 1888. 3SM 44

From what has been shown me, there should be a careful selection of help in the office. The young and untried and unconsecrated should not be placed there, for they are exposed to temptations and have not fixed characters. Those who have formed their characters, who have fixed principles, and who have the truth of God in the heart will not be a constant source of care and anxiety, but rather helps and blessings. The office of publication is amply able to make arrangements to secure good helpers, those who have ability and principle. And the church, in their turn, should not seek to advantage themselves one penny from those who come to the office to labour and learn their trade. There are positions where some can earn better wages than at the office, but they can never find a position more important, more honourable, or more exalted than the work of God in the office. Those who labour faithfully and unselfishly will be rewarded. For them there is a crown of glory prepared, compared with which all earthly honours and pleasures are as the small dust of the balance. Especially will those be blessed who have been faithful to God in watching over the spiritual welfare of others in the office. Pecuniary and temporal interests, in comparison with this, sink into insignificance. In one scale is gold dust; in the other, a human soul of such value that honour, riches, and glory have been sacrificed by the Son of God to ransom it from the bondage of sin and hopeless despair. The soul is of infinite value and demands the utmost attention. Every man who fears God in that office should put away childish and vain things, and, with true moral courage, stand erect in the dignity of his manhood, shunning low familiarity, yet binding heart to heart in the bond of Christian interest and love. Hearts yearn for sympathy and love, and are as much refreshed and strengthened by them as flowers are by showers and sunshine. 3T 193

I was shown the greatness and importance of the work before us. But few realise the true state of things. All who are asleep, and who cannot realise any necessity for vigilance and alarm, will be overcome. Young men are arising to engage in the work of God, some of whom have scarcely any sense of the sacredness and responsibility of the work. They have but little experience in exercising faith and in earnest soul hunger for the Spirit of God, which ever brings returns. Some men of good capabilities, who might fill important positions, do not know what spirit they are of. They run in a jovial mood as naturally as water flows downhill. They talk nonsense, and sport with young girls, while almost daily listening to the most solemn, soul-stirring truths. These men have a religion of the head, but their hearts are not sanctified by the truths they hear. Such can never lead others to the Fountain of living waters until they have drunk of the stream themselves. 3T 473

I have been urged by the Spirit of the Lord to fully warn our people in regard to the undue familiarity of married men with women, and women with men. This lovesick sentimentalism existed in the mission at Cleveland before you were connected with it. I was shown you with others manifesting the same; whether this was in the past or the future I cannot say, for often things are presented to me long before the circumstances take place.--Letter 17, 1891. (To Brother Irwin, July 20, 1891.) 4MR 63

Satan is continually seeking to overcome the people of God by breaking down the barriers which separate them from the world. Ancient Israel were enticed into sin when they ventured into forbidden association with the heathen. In a similar manner are modern Israel led astray. "The god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them."[1 2 COR. 4:4.] All who are not decided followers of Christ are servants of Satan. In the unregenerate heart there is love of sin, and a disposition to cherish and excuse it. In the renewed heart there is hatred of sin, and determined resistance against it. When Christians choose the society of the ungodly and unbelieving, they expose themselves to temptation. Satan conceals himself from view, and stealthily draws his bandage across their eyes. They cannot see that such company is calculated to do them harm, and while all the time assimilating to the world in character, words, and actions, they are becoming more and more blinded. familiarity with sin inevitably causes it to appear less repulsive. He who chooses to associate with the servants of Satan soon ceases to fear their master. 4SP 327

Now, indeed, we would expect the prophet to cease pleading; but no, emboldened by his success, he ventures to come still nearer to God, with a holy familiarity which is almost beyond our comprehension. He now makes a request which no human being ever made before: "I beseech Thee, show me Thy glory." What a petition to come from finite, mortal man! But is he repulsed? does God reprove him for presumption? No, we hear the gracious words: "I will make all My goodness pass before thee." 4T 532

You were shown me as frequently turning away from invalids who were in need of your counsel and advice. You were presented before me as apparently indifferent, seeming rather impatient while scarcely listening to what they were saying, which was to them of great importance. You seemed to be in a great hurry, putting them off till some future time, when a very few appropriate words of sympathy and encouragement would have quieted a thousand fears, and given peace and assurance in the place of disquietude and distress. You appeared to dread to speak to the patients. You did not enter into their feelings, but held yourself aloof, when you should have manifested more familiarity. You were too distant and unapproachable. They look to you as children to a parent, and have a right to expect and receive attentions from you which they do not obtain. "Me and mine" comes between you and the labour your position requires you to perform. The patients and helpers need your advice frequently; but they feel an unwillingness to go to you, and do not feel free to speak with you. 4T 99

I was shown that while at Dansville you both learned much, but Heaven designed to accomplish a still greater work for you both if you would walk in the way that God could work for you. Dr. Lay saw errors in the chief physician at Dansville in regard to the course he pursued toward Mrs. Jackson, which he would never be influenced to imitate. He abhors all such fondness and familiarity as this man exhibited towards females. Yet I was shown that God would not have him remain a much longer time at Dansville, for he would be in danger of receiving some things or viewing some things in the same light or much in the same light as Dr. Jackson viewed them, which would hinder his influence in the position God would have him fill.--Letter 6, 1867. (To Brother and Sister Lay, May 6, 1867.) 5MR 388

The man who stands in a position of responsibility in any of our schools cannot be too careful of his words and his acts. Never should he allow the least approach to familiarity in his relations to the students, such as placing his hand on the arm or shoulder of a girl student. He should in no case give the impression that commonness and familiarity are allowable. His lips and his hands are to express nothing that anyone could take advantage of. CT 256

The Saviour's entire life was characterised by disinterested benevolence and the beauty of holiness. He is our pattern of goodness. From the beginning of His ministry, men began to comprehend more clearly the character of God. He carried out His teachings in His own life. He showed consistency without obstinacy, benevolence without weakness, tenderness and sympathy without sentimentalism. He was highly social, yet He possessed a reserve that discouraged any familiarity. His temperance never led to bigotry or austerity. He was not conformed to the world, yet He was attentive to the wants of the least among men. CT 262

If men placed at the head of a mission have not firmness of principle that will preserve them from every vestige of commonness, and unbecoming familiarity with young girls and women, after the light which has been so plainly given, let them be discharged without a second trial. There is a depravity of the soul which leads to these careless habits and practices, and which will far overbalance all the good such persons can do. We are living in an age of moral debasement; the world is as a second Sodom. Those who look for the coming of the Son of man, those who know that they are right upon the borders of the eternal world, should set an example in harmony with their faith. Those who do not maintain purity and holiness are not accepted of God. The true children of God have deep-rooted principles which will not be moved by temptations, because Christ is abiding in their hearts by faith. GCDB FEB.06,1893

A second trial would be of no avail to those whose moral sense is so perverted that they cannot see their danger. If after they have long held the truth, its sanctifying power has not established the character in piety, virtue and purity, let them be disconnected with the missions without delay: for through these Satan will insinuate the same lax sentiments in the minds of those who ought to have an example of virtue and moral dignity. Anything that approaches lovesick sentimentalism, any intimation of commonness, should be decidedly rebuked. One who is guilty of encouraging this improper familiarity should not only be relieved of responsibilities which he was unworthy to bear, but should be placed under censure of the church, and that censure should remain upon him, until he give evidence in spirit and deportment, that he sees his sinfulness and heart corruption, and repents, like any other guilty sinner, and is converted. Then God for Christ's sake will heal him of his transgression. GCDB FEB.06,1893

The subject of purity and propriety of deportment is one to which we must give heed. We must guard against the sins of this degenerate age. Let not Christ's ambassadors descend to trifling conversation, to familiarity with women, married or single. Let them keep their proper place with becoming dignity; yet at the same time they may be sociable, kind, and courteous to all. They must stand aloof from everything that savours of commonness and familiarity. This is forbidden ground, upon which it is unsafe to set the feet. Every word, every act, should tend to elevate, to refine, to ennoble. There is sin in thoughtlessness about such matters. GW15 125

Satan's special efforts are now directed toward the people who have great light. He would lead them to become earthly and sensual. There are men who minister in sacred things whose hearts are defiled with impure thoughts and unholy desires. Married men who have children are not satisfied. They place themselves where they invite temptations. They take liberties which should only be taken with their lawful wives. Thus they fall under the rebuke of God, and in the books of heaven adultery is written opposite their names. MR449 21

There has been much said in order to keep out licentious practices and improper familiarity between men and women. This has be to be met and reproved, and constantly guarded against, and the ones that are corrected become angry; in the place of reforming, they try to work their revenge upon the faithful workers in the institution. My own soul has been weighed down with burdens that are inexpressible, as I have tried in the fear of God to do my duty to all parties and to the institution. PC 26

Parents are asleep. They don't know that Satan has planted his hellish banner right in their households. What, I was led to inquire, will become of the youth in this corrupt age? I say parents are asleep. The children are infatuated with a love-sick sentimentalism, and the truth has no power to correct the wrong. What can be done to stay the tide of evil? Parents can do much if they will. If a young girl just entering her teens is accosted with familiarity by a boy of her own age, or older, she should be taught to so resent this, that no such advances will ever be repeated. When a girl's company is frequently sought for by boys or young men, something is wrong. That young girl needs a mother to show her her place, or to restrain her, and teach her what belongs to a girl of her age. PH011 67

The guardians of the institution must ever maintain a high standard, and carefully watch over the youth entrusted to them by parents as learners or helpers in the various departments. When young men and women work together, a sympathy is created among them which frequently grows into sentimentalism. If the guardians are indifferent to this, lasting injury may be done to these souls, and the high moral tone of the institution will be compromised. If any, patients or helpers, continue their familiarity by deception after having had judicious instruction, they should not be retained in the institution, for their influence will affect those who are innocent and unsuspecting. Young girls will lose their maidenly modesty, and be led to act deceptively because their affections have become entangled. . . . The young should be taught to be frank, yet modest, in their associations. They should be taught to respect just rules and authority. If they refuse to do this, let them be dismissed, no matter what position they occupy, for they will demoralise others. The forwardness of young girls in placing themselves in the company of young men, lingering around where they are at work, entering into conversation with them, talking common, idle talk, is belittling to womanhood. It lowers them, even in the estimation of those who themselves indulge in such things. . . . Let not those who profess the religion of Christ descend to trifling conversation, to unbecoming familiarity with women of any class, whether married or single. Let them keep their proper places with all dignity. At the same time they should be sociable, kind, and courteous to all. Young ladies should be reserved and modest. They should give no occasion for their good to be evil spoken of. . . . Those who give evidence that their thoughts run in a low channel, whose conversation tends to corrupt rather than to elevate, should be removed at once from any connection with the institution, for they will surely demoralise others. PH066 26

A physician should attend strictly to his professional work. He should not allow anything to come in to divert his mind from his business, or to take his attention from those who are looking to him for relief from suffering. An assuring and hopeful word spoken in season to the sufferer will often relieve his mind and win for the physician a place in his confidence. Kindness and courtesy should be manifested; but the common, cheap talk which is so customary even among some who claim to be Christians, should not be heard in our institutions. The only way for us to become truly courteous, without affectation, without undue familiarity, is to drink in the spirit of Christ, to heed the injunction, "Be ye holy; for I am holy." If we act upon the principles laid down in the word of God, we shall have no inclination to indulge in undue familiarity. PH066 38 (CH 341)

Our probation is short at best; we have no time to spend in erratic movements. The familiarity of married men with married women and with young girls, is disgusting in the sight of God and holy angels. The forwardness of young girls in placing themselves in the company of young men, hanging around where they are at work, entering into conversation with them, talking common, idle talk, is belittling to womanhood. It lowers them, even in the estimation of those who indulge in such things. There is a positive necessity for reform. All frivolity, all undue attention of men to women, or women to men, must be condemned and discontinued. These things have produced great evil in the world. PH088 10

Satan is making determined efforts to overcome those who advocate the commandments of God, that their principles shall become tarnished, and their lives corrupt. It is a pitiful sight to see young men who are bound by no marriage ties, pursuing a foolish course, exhibiting the disease of love-sick sentimentalism. They are unbalanced in mind, and have lost that sense of propriety of conduct so essential for a noble virtuous character. But that which is the most to be deplored is to see married men who have companions and children, fanning around the girls, and the girls making advances to them or encouraging their attentions. These attentions becloud the mind, benumb the senses, as to the line that distinguishes right from wrong. Impure thoughts, indiscreet actions, unholy conduct, and next the seventh commandment transgressed! Indolence and gratification of unholy passions enslave the soul, and hold the victim in chains of steel. There are agonising struggles after his lost moral freedom, but he seldom is again a free man; he has stepped on Satan's ground, and becomes the object of Satan's temptations. The standard must be the holy law of God, and every approach toward familiarity or attention of married men with young girls or with married women should be positively condemned. The plea of these liberty-loving young men and married men is for a little amusement, a hungering of sympathy, a little self-indulgence. They do not think of such a thing as weakening moral character or their power to resist temptation, nor of becoming vicious or impure; but they are tempting the devil to tempt them. The only safe course is to keep free from all these things. Do not see how close you can walk upon the brink of a precipice, and be safe. Avoid the first approach to danger. The soul's interest cannot be trifled with. Your capital is your character. Cherish it as you would a golden treasure. Moral purity, self-respect, a strong power of resistance, must be firmly and constantly cherished. There should not be one departure from reserve; one act of familiarity, one indiscretion, may jeopardise the soul, in opening the door to temptation, and the power of resistance becomes weakened. PH167 35

I have been shown that Satan's specious temptations will come to the workers in every mission, to the workers in every institution in our land, to encourage familiarity, the men with the women. I write with a distressed heart, that the women in this age, both married and unmarried, too frequently do not maintain the reserve that is necessary. They act like coquettes. They encourage the attentions of single and married men, and those who are weak in moral power will be ensnared. These things, if allowed, deaden the moral senses, and blind the mind, so that crime does not appear sinful. Thoughts are awakened that would not have been if woman had kept her place in all modesty and sobriety. She may have had no unlawful purpose or motive herself, but she has given encouragement to men who are tempted, and who need all the help they can get from those associated with them. By being circumspect, reserved, taking no liberties, receiving no unwarrantable attentions, but preserving a high moral tone and becoming dignity, much evil might be avoided. PH167 37

When among the sisters, be reserved. No matter if they think you lack courtesy. If a married or unmarried sister shows any familiarity, repulse them. Be abrupt and decided, that they may ever understand that you give no countenance to such weakness. When before the young, and at all times, be grave, be solemn. I saw that if Bro. Loughborough and yourself make God your strength, a work will be accomplished by you for his poor people, for two can be a host. Come close to each other, pray together and separately, be free with each other. Bro. Hull should confide in Bro. Loughborough's judgement, and listen to his counsel and advice. "Battle Creek, June, 1863." RH JAN.19,1864

There are those who do not feel that it is a religious duty to discipline the mind to dwell upon cheerful subjects, that they may reflect light rather than darkness and gloom. This class of minds will either be engaged in seeking their own pleasure, in frivolous conversation, laughing and joking, keeping the mind continually elated with a round of amusements; or they will be depressed, having great trials and mental conflicts, which they think but few have ever experienced or can understand. These persons may profess Christianity, but they deceive their own souls. They have not the genuine article. The religion of Jesus Christ is first pure, then peaceable, full of righteousness and good fruits. Many have fallen into the sad error which is so prevalent in this degenerate age, especially with females. They are too fond of the other sex. They love their society. Their attentions are to them flattering, and they encourage, or permit, a familiarity which does not always accord with the exhortation of the apostle, to "abstain from all appearance of evil." RH MAR.12,1872

After the passing of the time in 1844, fanaticism came into the ranks of Adventists. God gave messages of warning to stay the incoming evil. There was too great familiarity between some men and women. I presented to them the holy standard of truth that we should reach, and the purity of deportment that we should maintain, in order to meet the approval of God and be without spot or wrinkle or any such thing. Most solemn denunciations from God were given to men and women whose thoughts were running in an impure channel, while they claimed to be especially favoured of God; but the message God gave was despised and rejected. They turned upon me, and said, Has God spoken only by you, and not by us? They did not amend their ways, and the Lord suffered them to go on till defilement marked their lives. Afterward, the very ones who had denounced me because I had reproved them, charged upon me the things which they had been guilty of themselves, and which had caused me such great distress and anguish of spirit. RH NOV.10,1885

Those who labour at the institute are there for the purpose of promoting the intellectual welfare of those under their care. They must make their work a matter of earnest prayer and study, that they may know how to accomplish the object before them. Their first work is to carefully scrutinise their own habits, as they must meet the Bible standard of Christianity. Then when they are compelled to deal with those who are nearly ruined, either because of their own vicious habits or because of the intemperance or lasciviousness of men, they will know what words to speak to them, what attitude to assume toward them. They must be chaste and so free from the trait of defilement that they can correct these evils and bring the poor souls up to the Bible standard of purity. The only safety for men and women, married or unmarried, is to shun love-sick sentimentalism, and all undue familiarity. These things have produced great evil in the world. SPTB16 4

There is a positive necessity for reform in all our institutions. All frivolity, all undue attention of men and women, must be condemned and discontinued. Some, even married men, who have indulged in this trifling familiarity, have endeavoured to excuse themselves, and escape censure by claiming that they have done no moral wrong. Was it no moral wrong to jest, joke, and pay flattering attentions to young women? Are you not starting in their minds a train of thought which it is impossible for you to change? Do you not by your levity and coquetry, sanction such conduct? You who hold positions of trust, and claim to be Christians, do you not give countenance to a familiarity which leads to sin? What record is made in the books of heaven by the divine Watcher? Was there no moral wrong done to the souls of those with whom you were so familiar? Indeed there was. Impressions were made that will be enduring. These girls are confirmed in coquetry and flirting. Every such indulgence tends to make them coarse and bold. They become more and more infatuated with the society of men and women who are trifling and frivolous, whose conversation is anything but holy, pure, and ennobling. SPTB16 6

Our probation is short, at best. We have no time to spend in indulging corrupt impulses. The familiarity of married men with married women and young girls is disgusting in the sight of God and holy angels. The forwardness of young girls, in placing themselves in the company of young men, hanging around where they are at work, entering into conversation with them, talking common, idle talk, is belittling to womanhood. It lowers them, even in the estimation of those who themselves do such things. SPTB16 6

Many have been cultivating habits which lead directly to earthly, sensual actions; and unless the power of God breaks the snare, souls will be lost in consequence. God has claims upon you that you do not realise; for you have not brought Christ into your life, and great decision of character will now be necessary on your part to change this order of things. No weak efforts will accomplish this work. You can not do it yourselves; you must have the grace of Christ or you can never overcome. All your plans will prove a failure unless you are actuated by higher motives, and upheld by greater strength than you can have of yourselves. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you." There will be no taste for trifling conversation on the part of those who are looking to Jesus for strength, depending upon His righteousness for salvation. By faith they accept Jesus as their personal Saviour, and become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. While men and women in an institution for health should be kind and courteous, while they are required to be affable and congenial to all, they should shun even the appearance of undue familiarity. And not only should they themselves observe the strictest propriety of conduct, but by precept and example they should educate others to be modest and shun looseness, jesting, flattery, and nonsensical speeches. Everything savouring of unbecoming familiarity should be discarded by physicians, superintendent, and helpers. There should be no giving of special favours or special attentions to a few, no preferring of one above another. This has been done and is displeasing to God. There are worthy persons who are afflicted and suffering but do not complain, who are in need of special attention. These men and women are often passed by with indifference and with a hardness of heart that is more like Satan's character than like Christ's, while, young forward misses, who in no way need or deserve favours, receive special attention. All this neglect is written in the books of heaven. All these things are developing character. . . . SPTB16 9

Before Moses went forth, he received his high commission, his ordination to his great work, in a way that filled him with awe, and gave him a deep sense of his own weakness and unworthiness. While engaged in his round of duties he saw a bush, branches, foliage, and trunk, all burning, yet not consumed. He drew near to view the wonderful sight, when a voice addressed him from out of the flame. It was the voice of God. It was He who, as the angel of the covenant, had revealed himself to the fathers in ages past. The frame of Moses quivered, he was thrilled with terror, as the Lord called him by name. With trembling lips he answered, "Here am I." He was warned not to approach his Creator with undue familiarity: "Put off thy shoes from off thy feet; for the place whereon thou standest is holy ground." "And Moses hid his face; for he was afraid to look upon God." ST FEB.26,1880

We must as workers be united in frowning down and condemning anything that bears the least approach to evil, in our associations with one another. Our faith is holy; our work is to vindicate the honour of God's law, and is not of a character to bring any one down to a low level in thought or in deportment. There are many who claim to believe and teach the truth who have error and fanciful ideas of their own mingled with the truth. But there is an exalted platform for us to stand upon. We must believe and teach the truth as it is in Jesus.

Holiness of heart will never lead to impure actions. When one who claims to be teaching the truth is inclined to be much in the company of young women or even of married women; when he familiarly lays his hand upon their shoulders, or is often found conversing with them in a familiar manner, be afraid of him. The pure principles of truth are not in wrought in the soul. Such are not workers with Jesus; they are not in Christ, and Christ is not abiding in them. They need a thorough conversion before God can accept their labours. The truth of heavenly origin never degrades the receiver, never leads him to the least approach to undue familiarity. On the contrary, it sanctifies the receiver, refines the taste, elevates and ennobles him, and brings him in close connection with Jesus. It does not lead him to disregard the Apostle Paul's injunction, to abstain from even the appearance of evil, lest his good should be evil spoken of. We have a great work to do to elevate man and to win him to Christ, to lead him to choose and to seek earnestly to be a partaker of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. Every thought, every word, and every action of the workers should be of that elevated character that is in harmony with the sacred truth they advocate. We are living in an age where iniquity abounds, and an unguarded word or an improper action may greatly injure the usefulness of the one showed this weakness. Keep up the barriers of reserve. Let not one instance occur in your relation to others that the enemy may make capital of. If you begin to place your affections upon one another, giving special attention to favourites, using flattering words, God will withdraw his Spirit.

If married men leave their wives to care for their children at home, the wife and mother is doing fully as great and important a work as the husband and father. Although one is in the missionary field, the other is a home missionary, whose cares and anxieties and burdens frequently far exceed those of the husband and father. Her work is a solemn and important one. It is to mould the minds and fashion the characters of her children, and train them for usefulness here, and fit them for the future, immortal life. The husband in the open missionary field may receive the honours of men, while the home toiler may receiver no credit for her labour. But if she works for the best interest of her family, to fashion their characters after the divine model, the recording angel writes her name as one of the greatest missionaries in the world. God does not see things as man's finite vision views them.

ST OCT.15,1885

I am pained when I see men praised, flattered, and petted. God has revealed the fact that some who receive these attentions are unworthy to take his name into their lips. Yet they are exalted to Heaven in the estimation of finite man, who reads only from outward appearance. My sisters, never fawn over, pet, and flatter poor, failing, erring men, either young or old, married or unmarried. You know not their weaknesses, and you know not but these very attentions and this profuse praise may prove their ruin. I am alarmed at the short-sightedness, the want of wisdom, that many manifest in respect to this familiarity. Men who are doing God's work and who have Christ abiding in their hearts, will not lower the standard of morality, but will ever seek to elevate it. They will not find pleasure in the flattery of women, or in being petted by them. Let young men and married men say, "Hands off! I will not give the least occasion to have my good evil spoken of. My good name is capital, of far more value to me than gold or silver. Let me preserve it untarnished. If men assail that name, it shall not be because I have given them any occasion to do so, but for the same reason that they spoke falsely of Christ,--because they hated the purity and holiness of his character, for it was a constant rebuke to them." ST OCT.15,1885

I wish I could impress upon every worker the great need of continual, earnest prayer. They cannot be constantly upon their knees, but they can be uplifting their hearts to God. This is the way that Enoch walked with God. When young, or even married men and women open their family secrets to you, beware. When they express a desire for sympathy, know that it is time to exercise great caution. Those who are imbued with the Spirit of Christ, and who are walking with God, will have no unholy repining for sympathy. They have a companionship that satisfies every desire of the mind and heart. Married men who accept the attention, the praise, and petting of women, should be assured that the love and sympathy of this class is not worth the obtaining. It is valueless. This is a subject to which we must give heed. We must guard against the sins of this degenerate age. We must stand aloof from everything that savours of commonness and undue familiarity. God condemns it. It is forbidden ground, upon which it is unsafe to set the feet. Every word and action should tend to elevate, refine, and ennoble the character. There is sin in thoughtlessness about such matters. ST OCT.15,1885

The standard of morality is not exalted high enough among God's people. In view of the dangers of this time, shall not we, as commandment-keeping people, put away from among us all sin, all iniquity, and all perverseness? Shall not the women professing the truth keep strict guard over themselves, lest the least encouragement be given to unwarrantable familiarity? They might close many a door to temptation if they would observe at all times strict reserve, and propriety of deportment. Let men find an example in the life of Joseph, and stand firm to principle, however strongly tempted. We want to be strong men and women for the right. There are those around us who are weak in moral power. They need to be in the company of those who are firm, and whose hearts are closely knit with the heart of Christ. Every one's principles will be put to the test, but there are those who go into temptation like a fool to the correction of stocks. They invite the devil to tempt them. They unnerve themselves, are weakened in moral power, and shame and confusion are the result. Never should the mark of distinction between the followers of Jesus and the followers of Satan be obliterated. There is a distinct line drawn by God himself between the world and the church, between commandment-keepers and commandment-breakers. These do not blend together. They are as far separated, as much different, as midday and midnight; different in their tastes, their aims, their pursuits, their characters. If we cultivate the love and fear of God, we will loathe the least approach to impurity. ST OCT.15,1885

Christ carried out in His life His own divine teachings. He was absorbed in the work He came to perform; His devotion to the work of saving the lost was manifest on all occasions. While He rebuked sin with severity, He ever showed tender love for the sinner. In Him were blended the wisdom of the serpent and the harmlessness of the dove. His zeal never led Him to become passionate. He manifested consistency without obstinacy, benevolence without weakness, tenderness and sympathy without sentimentalism. He was highly social, yet He possessed a reserved dignity that did not encourage undue familiarity. His temperance never led to bigotry or austerity. He was not conformed to this world, yet He was not indifferent to the wants of the least among men. ST SEP.23,1908

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father, which is in heaven." Matt. 5:16.

The truth in the soul will be seen in the circumspect life. Levity of conduct, undue familiarity, will not exist. If everyone who claims to be a child of God would cherish the spirit of kindness and love, without base thoughts and undue attention, and devote his God-given powers to spreading the truth, in seeking to save souls, what a bright, steady light would shine forth to the world! TDG 207

Brother O, you are watched with critical eyes. Your attention to young ladies is not called for. You are out of place in giving so much attention to the P family. Mrs. P has done her work in ruining one good man. That matter was opened before me as an open book. I was told in the night season that you were not qualified to be entrusted with large or even limited responsibilities unless you repent and become a reformed man. God cannot be with you while you pursue this course. My guide told me to follow, and I was shown your boyish familiarity with girls, and your particular sympathy toward Mrs. P and her daughters. The mother keeps [to] the bed much of the time when she should be engaged in some useful employment in the care of her family. TSB 156

There is an animal that strikes the arm with feebleness the moment it touches it. The muscles become as if paralysed. In a similar way will it be with you spiritually, if your thoughts are allowed to run in a certain channel, and you give attention and preferences to young girls or married women. All this familiarity is death to spirituality. TSB 162

Your trouble with the sisters has come in consequence of your drawing upon their sympathies. You relate your trials and enlist their pity for you whom they think a great sufferer. You then yield to your feelings, put on an appearance as though you were enduring almost martyrdom. You lead them out to give you care and attention which is not really proper, and bring yourself in a position where you are easily tempted. You should have learned by your trials in the past to shun anything which has the least appearance of familiarity with the sisters, married or unmarried. Let your affections centre upon God. Rely upon Him for support rather than on human sympathy. TSB 172

My brother, you have had the respect of the church, old and young. But your course is condemned of God, and you have not had His Spirit, and you are not a free man. You have pursued a course that has caused your good to be evil spoken of. The very things that transpired at the Piedmont Sabbath school reunion, I would not have [had] occur for thousands of dollars. You, a grey-haired man, lying at full length with your head in the lap of Georgie S. Had I done my duty, I would have rebuked you there. Many saw this and made remarks about it. After such exhibitions as this, of what value would be your admonitions to them to be guarded against everything of this free and easy familiarity? You have yourself neutralised your efforts to elevate the young by your example. TSB 182

The coy, complying disposition of women or girls to the advances and familiarity of men, married men, leads them to be easily entrapped. The man who should watch for souls in order to save them, watches for opportunities and occasions to ruin them. There are so many who have little fixedness of principle, who come into contact with the men who preach the truth; and some of these educate and refine iniquity before them, clothing it in angel robes, and as their own hearts are not garrisoned with fixed, unswerving principles, the work of ruin is speedily accomplished. TSB 205

I am now going to Tasmania, and you and Fannie will remain at Avondale. After my absence, you will feel inclined to associate together more freely, because I am not present to hold the fort. I fear you will dishonour the truth by your familiarity. I decidedly protest against this. Keep yourself out of Fannie's tent, or else a scandal will be created.-- Letter 17, 1895. TSB 207

You have been giving the complexion to your life. How stands your case as registered in heaven's record book? Above everything else seek for those things which make for your peace. Place yourself under influences which will not be deteriorating, destroying the fine sensibility of the soul. Keep your soul unspotted from the world. Let not any familiarity with young men put a blot on your life. You are in danger of giving up Christ, of becoming reckless and unwilling to listen to wise counsel. The counsel of parental affection is lost upon deaf ears. Will you, my sister, think seriously whether you will receive advice from the experienced? Will you be guided by your friends? Will the parental counsel be unheeded? Will you take your case in your own hands? TSB 60

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